Faux French

Pretending to be foreign in the hope of making one seem more attractive to the opposite sex is not an uncommon thing – I failed miserably as Viktor the Lithuanian poet, and Helmut the German conscientious objector, until Phillipe Jeanneau emerged, the sailor from Marseilles.

Back then I had a bare smattering of French words, but a passable accent and enough fabricated mistakes when speaking English worked wonders.

Of course they were never sustainable.

Rosie caught me out the following night when she passed me in a bar as I was talking to a friend about rugby.

Tamara (I placed bogus emphasis on the second syllable of her name) overheard me talking normally on the phone, and things really hit the skids on the night I made moves on a young lady who turned out to be a French teacher.

Much the same thing happens in Foux Da Fa Fa, an amusing parody of ’60s French songs by Flight of the Conchords, the NZ duo who recently won a Grammy award.